The Definition of Insanity

If the definition of insanity is said to be doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result, then perhaps the definition of blogging insanity is continuing to maintain one when it seems that there's no one listening.

Maybe doing the same thing over and over and hoping for a different result is the reason that I've come to be so dissatisfied with my life online.

I keep blogging in the same circle, hoping that something I say will touch someone, will matter, will make a small difference somewhere.

I've found that it does, to about half a dozen wonderful people that I absolutely adore (and don't plan to lose track of.)

But as far as everybody else goes...since my departure from Facebook in May- no, make that since I announced that I was going to be getting a divorce (the fact that divorce didn't actually go through notwithstanding) the reaction overall was, well, underwhelming and actually pretty heartbreaking.

People. Just. Vanished.

It's not like I asked anyone for any help. There were a precious few who offered it anyway. But it's become clear to me since then (and even moreso since all I hear are crickets since I announced my new medical news) who is interested in friendship, who is interested in simply networking (read: using) people to promote their books and who isn't interested, period, but leaves their name on the Followers bar because they don't want to risk looking like they've snubbed anyone even if they've long since stopped reading a word that person says.

Not to mention I've picked up a reader or two that I'd rather not have, frankly (statcounter is a wonderful thing...IP logging doubly so) and so I'm asking myself why am I putting myself out here anymore, so publicly- if:  A) it's not helping anyone and B) the only people reading it are people who would drop me an email to see if I'm still alive anyway or people I'd really rather didn't know what's going on in my life?

So I am pondering a few options:

To take this blog private and people who want an invite can drop me a note to let me know;

To delete this blog and start a new one privately

To leave this blog stand as it is and start a new version of it privately, picking up from here (cloning it in the new location so my 'old readers' still have all the posts and things in one place)

...or just finally give up blogging altogether.

Remember, this isn't my first rodeo. I blogged for years in other (non-writing) circles and that doesn't include the other websites I've had/run/administrated over the years.

Maybe I'm just burned out on virtual living.

Maybe I just want connections that can't be had over blogs any more than they can be had over Fakebook or Twitter.

Maybe I'm just so old that I long for the day when people didn't go everwhere with a phone attached to their face, but actually lived in the world immediately around them.

The world immediately around me may not be the one I'd like at the moment, not by a long shot. But it's real. And real is all there is.

While I ponder this I just want to say clearly to those of you who have stuck by me (and you know who you are) I'll still be peeking in on your blogs and keeping tabs on you and your projects. Cheering you on from the wings as my health allows.

If a tree falls in the forest and no one's there to hear it, it may still make a noise.

But if a writer blogs and people only lurk- then I really don't think there's a point.

~bru