It's so dark.
Cold.
You're stuck in the mud. Jammed deep down into it and you can't move.
Thenthere'ssparkandthefuseignitesandthere'sliftoffandsoaringandwordsandcolorsandmusicandstarssocloseyoucantouchthemandcitylightsbelowandthemoonandcloudsandlivingtwilightandyouarethemusicandthemusicisiridescentinvividultravioletcolorsandyou'renotwatchingthedisplayyouarethefireworks.
I saw my(new/wonderful)therapist again today:
“You're pretty manic right now...”
“ItbeatsthelivinghelloutofthewayIfeltearlierintheweekwhenIfeltlikeeveryonewouldbesomuchbetteroffifIjustvanishedfromthefaceoftheearththishastobesomeimprovementright?”
“Yeah. We have to watch this.”
So we're watching.
In the meantime I have words to write flowers to paint and music to see living colors in.
But I know it can't last.
Even the detritus of fireworks descends to earth as dust after the pyrotechnics detonate.
Wish I could help you find those colours ... :( Thanks for dropping by my blog yesterday. I've missed you! xoxo
ReplyDeleteIt would be so nice if the ups would stay, wouldn't it. I'm glad to see you back in the blogosphere a little more often and hope you're hanging in there. Hugs to you!
ReplyDeleteThanks Jessica! had to stop by, think of you and the poetry group so often. Miss you guys lots, appreciate the visit! I am in the colors right now, believe me- and it is really hard to believe such dark depression and such mania can exist at once but there is apparently a medical term for it that I was unaware of until this past August--it's called a 'mixed state' and apparently, I live in one most of the time. At least I know now I'm not the only one, other people have to deal with this too.
ReplyDeleteThank you again for the visit! Best of luck with String Bridge!
Hey, hiya Hart, good to see you! Thanks...I'm hanging on by the fingernails but I am hanging on. I saw the other day a tweet of yours and meant to tweet back...something about being on submission?!So happy for you- don't expect it to be long before you're posting more good news! *hugs* bru
I hadn't noticed that new pic of you! I really love that. I'm just happy you have a caring therapist who is helping you through this. At least I hope it's helping.
ReplyDeleteBru -- started your ms today while I was waiting in my doctor's office after an allergy shot. Lost track of time and forgot to get my arm checked after 15 minutes. Got home and had a hard time putting down my Kindle with your story on it to grade papers I need to finish in order to complete report cards.
ReplyDeleteJust thought you'd like to know that. I should have some feedback for you shortly!
Oh WOW. Thank you, Dianne- that is amazing- my 'rebel' project for this year's nano is to give the good Doctor Godspeed and Co. the finished manuscript they deserve. He's been nagging me a year now to do that, and you know how he is ;) So I have to finally see it through.
ReplyDeleteThank you SO much for taking the time to look at it, I KNOW how busy you are!!!
you made my night. Thank you. Now I am inspired to get back to working on it!
hugs
bru
Michelle- thank you again so much for reading- yeah, the new therapist is wonderful- she's the anti-whatever of my last one...just taking it a day at a time right now and sometimes in shorter chunks than that. But I'm working on it all *hugs* thanks for the encouragement-- i know you're swamped it means so much when you stop by.
love
bru
I want to echo Michelle and say how much I love that photo! So glad to see you in such a colorful mood!
ReplyDeletehoping it evens out eventually, or at least that the highs aren't so high and the lows aren't so low. not even sure if it's possible.
ReplyDeleteAnd from the detritus a Phoenix rises! How did you know I love fireworks? Which in this case is you and your blog. Right here with you my friend. :)
ReplyDeleteJules @ Trying To Get Over The Rainbow
My son Paul loved those highs too. And unfortunately they didn't last for him either. I hope you find the happy medium and those wonderful colors.
ReplyDeletexoxoxo Madeline
Glad to hear the black has eased off for now.
ReplyDeleteAll the best!