Missing

 

Well, it’s been a long, long time.

I don’t know if any of you are even out there, after how long it’s been.

It’s difficult to explain why I gave up blogging for such a long time. I think in the end, though, the answer is truly simple: I’ve been missing from my own life, so I couldn’t be here to tell you about it.

There’s a flaw in that thinking, though. Blogging always used to help me to feel seen and heard, and I hoped by sharing my struggles and small triumphs that others felt seen and heard, as well.

I blogged less about writing and more about my health issues; chronic and debilitating. That can’t have been a fun read for anyone, but I know I’m not alone here. I know there are others out there struggling, too, and when they put themselves out there, I read their words and I feel less alone.

So I’ve realized maybe that should be the purpose of this space, which is pretty much what I intended it to be way back at the beginning. A welcoming place where people could go and say, ‘I’m understood here. I belong, in that little corner space over there, between the bookshelf and the chair.’

I belong.

Two powerful words with such deep meaning, and such longing attached to them.

Deep down most of us want to belong somewhere, whether it’s within the writing/arts communities, within the group of those juggling ‘spoons’ as they say, and/or as those sharing sparks of inspiration and bits of encouragement where we can. That’s what I try to do on Twitter, and anyone who knows me at all knows that is where you can usually find me, especially since I stopped using this space.

(Flashback to when my writing dreams were coming true: GODSPEED at number one in Steampunk on Amazon...)

It’s been a couple of years since I felt this space had worth and meaning anymore.

Something tells me it’s time to take up using it again; even if I’m not quite sure what for yet. Even if I’m not entirely certain how I can be helpful to various communities (I still write, but am not seeking publication now due to my health. I paint, but not often things I feel worthy of sharing online. I often speak of my battle with bipolar disorder, OCD, and PTSD on top of my other chronic illnesses but I don’t want people to think that’s all there is left of me.)

Then I realized during this pandemic, for a while, that is mostly what has been left of me.

The times have taken a great toll on us all, and I know I’m luckier than most. Now if only I could get my brain to believe it.

I’m curious, if you’re reading this… what would you be interested in seeing in this space going forward? Send me a comment on Twitter (I’m @FebruaryGrace there) I’d love to hear from you.

For now?

I’m just here to say I’ve been missing for a long time now… but I’m trying to find myself again, and I think this is a good place to begin.

I have hope, and hope is a powerful thing. Here, I still belong.

Sending love, love, love out into the sky…

~bru